


Eggs Benedickt

by noonaofdarkness



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Bad Puns, Crack, Dick Jokes, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:50:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noonaofdarkness/pseuds/noonaofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun is a brunch enthusiast. Chanyeol is a waiter who likes to plate food inappropriately. Aka, breakfast with a free side of penis jokes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eggs Benedickt

* * *

Baekhyun loves brunch, be it in cheap diners, bottomless, or homemade. He sets aside time every Sunday to check out the most recommended brunch places in his neighborhood — and Brooklyn has no shortage of bottomless brunch deals.

Imagine his surprise when he discovers the quaint restaurant around the corner reportedly serves a fantastic brunch, with mimosa and Irish coffee deals to boot.

Come Sunday, he’s meeting his best friend Kyungsoo for their scheduled brunch date and he finally ventures into the little restaurant he’d never given much thought to.

They’re seated by a grumpy looking college kid — _Sehun_ the name tag reads — before Baekhyun immediately dives into the menu. _Eggs benedict, perfect_ he thinks to himself, hoping their hollandaise sauce is as fantastic as the Yelp reviews had said.

Instead of Sehun returning to take their orders, the pair is greeted by a six-foot-something man, whose unruly hair is barely contained under his ball cap. Between the wild hair and his wide eyes, he looks like someone who has had a few too many cups of coffee this morning. He’s also smiling almost exclusively at Baekhyun.

“Welcome to Park’s! My name is Chanyeol, I’m the head chef here. What can I get for you today?” He asks. Baekhyun jumps a little at the deep voice. It’s unanticipated, and it only makes the man more amusing to Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, seems unaffected and proceeds to order a bacon and cheese waffle with an Irish coffee.

When it’s Baekhyun’s turn, he excitedly orders his eggs benedict and a mimosa. He smiles before handing the menu back to the waiter.

Chanyeol doesn’t bother writing anything down. Instead he repeats the order quickly — manic smile never faltering — and winks before returning to the kitchen.

“Did he just _wink_ at you?” Kyungsoo asks, unamused as ever.

“Maybe he just had something in his eye? He seemed a little twitchy.” Baekhyun offers, not really sure himself.

Sehun drops by with their drinks a few minutes later and It isn’t long before Chanyeol emerges from the kitchen, two plates in hand. Baekhyun is already practically salivating with excitement.

Chanyeol sets the plates down proudly.

Baekhyun almost gasps when he takes in the plate before him. It’s eggs benedict, that’s for sure, but why is the base of a banana not so subtly protruding from the small gap between the two english muffins?

“Bananas are an excellent source of potassium,” Chanyeol offers, noticing Baekhyun’s shock. “Enjoy your meal!” And with that, he returns to the kitchen.

Baekhyun is no snob, but he also likes to think himself a bit more mature than someone who cries penis at anything remotely phallic shaped. But this, this can’t be a coincidence.

There’s a banana wedged between the two english muffins, for Christ’s sake.

He looks up to find Kyungsoo with his head slightly cocked to the side, squinting at Baekhyun’s plate. It’s a face he’s seen from Kyungsoo before, though Baekhyun isn’t sure if it’s because he’s blind or genuinely skeptical about everything.

“Somehow, the paprika looks like pubes.” Kyungsoo says before shrugging and digging into his own, perfectly normal, waffle.

He’s right. Between the sprinkles of orange paprika, bright yellow banana and hollandaise sauce, Baekhyun is pretty sure he’s just been served some sort of pop art penis concoction disguised as breakfast food.

Deciding to _not_ act like a sixteen year old boy, Baekhyun squares his shoulders before gracefully slicing off a bite.

Questionable bananas aside, the hollandaise _is_ fucking spectacular.

 

 

The following Sunday, Baekhyun breaks his ‘new restaurant every Sunday’ rule to return to Park’s with Kyungsoo in toe. He’d told Kyungsoo that he really wanted to try the breakfast burrito he’d seen on the menu the week previous. Really though, Chanyeol had piqued his curiosity and Baekhyun kind of wants to see what else the chef has up his sleeve.

They’re seated at the same table as the week before, Kyungsoo opts for a bagel and lox and Baekhyun follows through with his promise to try the breakfast burrito with a side of tater tots.

“You brought this one on yourself,” Sehun warns sternly after Baekhyun orders.

Sure enough, when Chanyeol delivers their respective plates, Baekhyun is greeted with a delicious looking breakfast burrito…. with two tomato slices protruding slightly from underneath one end. But the real kicker is the little w-shaped squiggle of ketchup placed at the base of each individual tater tot — creating a pattern of little penises surrounding the larger, penis burrito.

“You didn’t clarify if you wanted green or red chili, so I went ahead and brought you both on the side,” Chanyeol says casually, admiring his handiwork, “Though, if you prefer neither, we have other special sauces in the back,” Chanyeol finishes with a wink.

“Gross. Is that even sanitary?” Kyungsoo mumbles under his breath. Baekhyun barely suppresses a chuckle.

Chanyeol blanches slightly, most likely realizing how that phrase could be misconstrued beyond a simple come-on.

“Right, well, enjoy your meal!” Chanyeol says moments later, bright smile returning to his now flushed face before he turns on his heels and returns to the kitchen. He doesn’t emerge again before the pair wrap up their meal.

 

 

“His name’s Baekhyun!” Kyungsoo shouts towards the kitchen as they make their exit.

 

 

Baekhyun pretends he isn’t sure what keeps drawing him back to Park’s, and Kyungsoo plays along. At this point, they could be considered regulars.

They’re greeted once again by a smiley Chanyeol behind the register. Sehun simply nods towards their usual table as he grabs two menus from the counter.

"Bacon and eggs...? Too easy,” Baekhyun says to himself as he looks over the menu, “Pancakes, pancakes are safe,”

Five minutes later, and Baekhyun should have known better.

He’d seen those Facebook videos of pancake art, with disney characters and cute bears and hearts. He knows you set an outline of batter down first and then pour the remaining batter in to create lines within the pancakes. He’d never seen someone use the same technique to create two distinctive butt cheeks, complete with light sprinklings of powdered sugar. A small square of butter and a cup of syrup placed delicately next to the globes.

“That’s not even subtle,” Kyungsoo says, clicking his tongue and raising an eyebrow at the pancakes on Baekhyun’s plate. “Perhaps he modeled them after his own assets…. or lack there of.” He adds after a moment of contemplation.

“You’ve been checking out his ass?” Baekhyun asks, mildly shocked.

“What? You feel threatened?” Kyungsoo retorts before digging into his own, once again, g-rated omelet.

“No,” Baekhyun sputters, “I just didn’t expect a straight man to be checking out our waiter’s flat ass."

“Even a straight man knows a flat ass when he sees one. And your little edible penis enthusiast of a waiter over there has one of the flattest asses I’ve seen this side of Fort Greene."

Baekhyun can’t help but laugh... and steal a glance at the waiter’s tragically flat bum. It’s still kind of cute though, he thinks.

After three weeks, he’s almost grown used to ingesting naughty food. He spreads the butter over the cheeks without batting an eyelash, and adds just the right amount of syrup.

“Try not to think too much about _Last Tango In Paris_ while you scarf that down, okay?” Kyungsoo says, right as Baekhyun raises his fork for the first bite.

“Kyungsoo!”

 

 

When the bill arrives, Baekhyun is surprised to see a little note scribbled at the bottom.

 

_Hope you enjoyed my buns, because I certainly enjoy seeing yours._

_\- Chanyeol_

 

 

Week four and Baekhyun almost giddily skips into Park’s, Kyungsoo trailing somewhere behind. This week, he’s determined to out-smart Chanyeol. There are only so many foods that can be turned naughty, after all. He wants to see if Chanyeol will rise to the occasion.

Sehun looks mildly surprised when Baekhyun orders a simple cereal and black coffee.

When their plates are delivered, Baekhyun is disappointed see a conventional bowl of cereal and a tin of milk set before him. That is, until he notices a little note scribbled on the napkin Sehun gingerly places beside the bowl.

_Baekhyun,_

_You’re welcome to frost my flakes anytime ;)_

_\- Chanyeol_

 

 

Before they finish their meal, Sehun once again returns to the table, this time with two small plates.

“For being such loyal customers,” he says as he sets the plates in the center of the table, a trace of amusement evident is in tone, “these are on the house.”

Sehun is gone before the pair can react properly to the two tarts set before them.

“I don’t even know if this was intentional or not.” Kyungsoo says, glancing down at the two cream colored pastries with a single raspberry placed upside down in the center of each.

“I think he’s conditioned us to find the innuendo in any food he places on the table.” Baekhyun sighs, although he’s smiling fondly. Chanyeol rose to the occasion, and he’s more than a little impressed. Plus, free food.

They eat the pastries in relative silence for a few minutes before Kyungsoo speaks up.

“It’s been really cute watching you make goo-goo eyes with our perverted waiter over the past month, and I’m not going to lie, I admire the guy’s creativity. But, if you don’t talk to him today, I’m never brunching with you again. I don’t care how you do it; exchange numbers, plan a date, you could even take him up on the offer to try his special sauce in the back for all I care, but goddammit do something before he goes full dick-in-a-box on us and I’m scarred for life.” Kyungsoo says before tossing a few dollars on the table and exiting the restaurant.

Baekhyun sits there, staring dumbly at the crumpled dollars on the table. He really doesn’t have anything to lose. Chanyeol is handsome, and also is the mastermind behind all the delicious brunches he’s been enjoying the past few Sundays. He’s actually kind of perfect.

Baekhyun shakes his head as a montage of penis shaped breakfast foods plays though his mind. He doesn’t even realize he’s smiling until he glances up and meets Chanyeol’s wide eyes behind the register.

“Your friend left early today,” Chanyeol observes, motioning towards the empty seat across from Baekhyun.

“He had some business to attend to,” Baekhyun remarks casually as he rises from his seat and approaches the register, neglecting to grab the bills Kyungsoo had left behind.

“So you wanted my attention. Now you have it.” Baekhyun begins, leaning on the counter and slightly into Chanyeol’s personal bubble.

“Oh?” The waiter says, retreating a little bit. But only a little.

“Yes. Mind telling me why I’ve been receiving NC-17 rated platters for the past four weekends?” Baekhyun asks, giving Chanyeol his best stern look.

“Well, like you’ve figured out, I uh, was trying to get your attention,” Chanyeol is acting oddly sheepish for a man who so confidently placed all those phallic dishes on their table.

Baekhyun is flattered, but still curious.

“Yes, I’ve figured that much out. But why?"

“Because you’re cute."

“That’s it? I walk in here one morning and catch your eye and you immediately default to crafting ass-shaped pancakes for my dining pleasure?"

“Well there’s a bit more to it than that… and I believe I eased your way into it with eggs benedick first,” Chanyeol begins, laughing at his own pun before drawing a deep breath and continuing. “I’d seen you before you came in to the restaurant. You walk your little terrier around the neighborhood, right?”

Baekhyun nods, “Almost every morning."

“Right, well, I saw you walk by the restaurant one morning. Admittedly, the dog caught my eye first — I’m a sucker for terriers — but then the dog was attached to a very handsome human and I thought ‘hey, I’d like to serve him breakfast one morning.'"

“Is that a double entendre?” Baekhyun asks, raising an incredulous eyebrow.

“Maybe. But you kept passing by in the mornings, and I started to wonder if you preferred chocolate chips or blueberries on your pancakes. Then, one morning you came into the restaurant and it was an egg-cellent opportunity that I couldn’t pass up."

“Do all your puns have to do with breakfast?” Baekhyun asks, smiling despite himself.

“If you let me take you out to dinner, I’m sure I can come up with a few new ones to rise to the occasion.” Chanyeol offers, not missing a beat.

“I’d like that,” Baekhyun giggles to himself before leaning in to whisper in the taller’s ear. “Provided the puns are up to par, maybe afterwards I’ll even let you glaze my donut.”

Baekhyun can barely hear Sehun gagging in the background, too caught up in watching the infatuated smile that overtakes Chanyeol’s face.

“As long as you let me serve you breakfast in bed afterwards."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t believe I wrote this. Much less posted it. Let’s never speak of this again. Deal? Deal.
> 
> in other news, i think i’m obsessed with pancakes and there are only so many words for penis.


End file.
